Squash and body parts: It's whats for dinner.

I love fresh veggies straight from the garden.  We try to shop every Sunday at the local flea market from a guy who brings in his produce daily from local farms. Nothing beats the taste of home-grown and fresh from the dirt.  Last Sunday we stocked up on two of our favorites - yellow 'crook neck' squash and zucchini.  We like to slice them thin and pan saute them with EVOO and a bit of salt and pepper. 

Monday night, my husband was making roasted chicken and our squash veggies.  He works from home so often does most of the weekday cooking.  I try to head home from the office to be home for dinner by 7pm.  Around 5:45pm, he calls me....which is rare as he almost always just texts me. 

"Don't be mad, but I have to go to the emergency room," he says.  In an instant, I am mad, upset and worried all at once.  'What the heck did you do??', I offer - knowing immediately from the apology that it clearly was a self-inflicted issue.  He had sliced the tip of his finger off slicing the squash on the mandoline.....without using the guard. 

Now, as I have had to explain to at least a half-dozen people this week, no, he doesn't play a mini guitar and no we don't use musical instruments to slice our vegetables.  He was using a mandoline of the vegetable slicing variety.  The one with the 'e' on the end. 

I rush to the ER where I find my Mom waiting among the 25+ other people in the waiting room.  He was back for an e-ray and she was feebly attempting to reassure me that it was ok.  When Shane came from the back, he was white as a sheet and had his hand wrapped in a now-stained bathroom hand towel.  Seriously, he had to grab one of our only 'good' hand towels was my immediate reaction.  Bad wife moment #1.

I let my Mom go home and settled in for what would be our 5-hour ER visit.  It was an especially busy night we would later be told....perhaps a full moon (??)....but all I saw were people that should have seen their regular doctor earlier that day.  None had a bloody towel on their arm like Shane did.

Busy night in the ER meant I had to literally scrub-in and assist the doctor with containing the bleeding and cleaning his hand.  I wasn't sure if I was good with blood and such, but apparently I am, or at least I am when I have to be.  Despite only cutting off the side portion of his finger, the amount of blood that came out looked as though a shark had mangled his whole arm.  Really un-necessary. 

With sterile hands and arms and purple doctor gloves on, it was my turn to now feebly assure Shane it was fine, and not that much was gone, and I would make it stop bleeding.....with all the medical prowess I could muster based on my years of webmd.com training.  After about 10 shots, one of the tetanus variety, pain pills, antibiotics that could cure death and a to-go medical kit in case of new bleeding, we were sent on our way. 

Arriving home, our son was in bed, having left the kitchen exactly the way he found it....and the way Shane left it.  Including the sliced up squash in the pain with an extra piece of fingertip on top.  Shane promptly threw away the sliced squash, his fingertip and the over-priced mandoline with the guard....that was on the counter NOT being used. 

The next night, I proceeded to slice the remainder of the squash and served it up sauteed without any body parts or emergencies.    And also took the liberty of grossing out the kids offering a prize to whomever found the missing fingertip.  Hey, what's parenting about if not to torture the kids on occasion?  It's not like they eat squash anyhow.